He is Faithful

Tomorrow is a big day for us. It has been almost 2 years since Toby finished chemo and had his port removed but in May we found a new bump that we thought was from him being a boy and bumping his head but now it has been weeks and not gone away. 

On July 4th, I watched as he blew out candles for his 3rd birthday and filled with gratefulness for how far he has come. Three years ago seems so long ago that we were meeting with doctors, getting scans done, and then having to start chemo at 4 months old. Yet, here we are again and my heart is heavy as I sit here and pour my heart out praying that my fears and thoughts don't turn true again! I have learned in these last 3 years that God is in control of Toby's health. I know TRUTH, truth that he is for us, he is with us, and He loves us. I read this over and over again in the words of Scripture, they fill my head when I start down the path of doubt and fear and "what ifs" that my enemy throws at me.

 As, I was talking to a dear friend this week about my struggles of what tomorrow may behold she spoke truth to me that I definitely needed to hear. She reminded me that yes Dad loves you and won't leave you in this next season no matter what it brings but "It won't make you less stronger for grieving". I love that. Y'all I love how the Lord puts people in our lives to speak to us and that is what I needed to hear at that moment.

I'm not gonna pretend that I'm not worried about Toby's oncology appointment tomorrow because I am. I don't know if the news we get will be good or bad but as my dear friend reminded me I will grieve at the bad. The psalmist cried out "Lord hear my cry" and my prayer is that I let my soul cry out to the Lord and run into his arms and let him comfort me. 

No matter the outcome tomorrow I want to continue to praise the Lord for the promises he has kept along Toby's journey so far. He has heard my crying out before and has carried me when I didn't think I could take one more step. None of us no what tomorrow will bring but my prayer is that I trust that God is in control. 


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