Everyday survival

I just wanted to thank all of you who have read the post and have given Jason & I encouragement and wonderful feedback. We truly our amazed and grateful for our support team out there!

Let me just say that being a new mom is hard. Everyday you are learning something new and learning to adjust to your new way of life. From learning about each new milestone as you face it such as teething, sitting up, exploring foods & learning to put into place routines and a schedule. As many have learned our little babies are very routine creatures of habit one day off and well there goes several days trying to re-create that schedule and nap-time! Throw in multiple adventures and trips to the hospital and outpatient appointments well it is like a rat-race and can becoming very challenging especially to this new momma!!

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm not as strong as many of you commented and wanted to bring me you all back down to reality! This week has been one long week emotionally and everyday has been a day that I enter survival mode. Yes I think us moms should be on Survivor and show them what true Survivors look like :) As I mentioned above, babies are very routine people throw them a little off their schedule and well you are asking for days to recover. This is how my life has been for weeks as we are adjusting to the new way of life with weekly outpatient chemo appointments. Yes once you think you got it down well then a curve ball is thrown at you and your left to hold on and lean fully on the Savior. This week has been full of explosions where I have been left asking my husband and Heavenly Father for forgiveness and lots of tears as I feel overwhelmed and at times guilty for just wanting to hide and escape it all! Yes the Lord is even faithful to us when we just don't think we can face another hour of screaming & crying only to be meet with quietness and a baby who has finally fallen to sleep. (Oh thank you LORD!).

Let me just throw a quick little vent in here and I really don't mean to offend. As a medical professional myself can I just tell you that we really just need to stop making mothers feel guilty when they can't breastfeed or just can't do it for a whole year. Life has unexpected outcomes and darn it placing more guilt on a mother isn't helpful for anyone. Let's face it every month, year or decade new information comes along and we go and change our stance so please to all those making others feel guilty....BACK OFF and let new moms face the obstacles that each day brings without having to feel guilty in the meantime. Thank you I have now made my peace.

So needless to say from my above statement, I have started using more formula with Toby as my stressors have increased over the last month and I have found myself not been able to provide more than one feeding which darn it is all this mommy has in her! This itself has lead to my emotional roller coaster this week as well as having a husband who is sick and in the middle of the budget season at work (which happens once a year and usually means longer hours and more stress for him), and trying to figure how chemo is affecting Toby as he received his third round of chemo yesterday. Little man has been skipping naps and screaming anytime you walk out of his line of sight :( 

Once again this has left me completely exhausted emotionally, physically (as I have been fighting cold myself) and spiritually. Leading me to the well again looking for one to quench my thirst and to completely lean on, so that I can survive and come out with some sanity. This desperation brought me to 1 Corinthians 10:13 (in the book Desperate-Hope for the Mom who needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson...HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

1 Corinthians 10:13 
 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape, so that you will be able to endure it.

Yes, even in those moments where I just don't think I can go on and face it or even when I have a complete breakdown. God always seems to meet me and send encouragement to me whether in a text message, email from a friend, book, message, or His Word. So for those out there who feel in my shoes just letting you know you will survive the hour, day, or week! God is faithful to us and knows us better than we know ourselves so keep fighting my dear moms and fellow friends!

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